i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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