Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
