Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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