I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
