So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she told me i tasted like america
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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