Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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