Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so let's talk penis.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This baby is an asshole
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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