The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
