how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
