Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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