Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
