I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We had sex on a dog bed..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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