So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
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the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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