Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
