it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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