man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
