Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
