Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
