sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
