I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
