My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
