Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize