What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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