So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
