i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
