Having a random hookup so left but love u
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
