Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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