I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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