People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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