I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
