when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
