you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
