He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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