is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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