if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
