Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize