i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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