If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
How's work?
Spinning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
