if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
