I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
