Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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