Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
