just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I want to be your penis for a week.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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