im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
