When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
