I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
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He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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