So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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