As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
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i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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