It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize