I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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