i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
