I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We are two peas in an std pod
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
