she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
