What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
