There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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