I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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