and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
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I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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