you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
