Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
