next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
