Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
