wrigley field is MILF paradise
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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