he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
