My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
