Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We're too hungover to prance.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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