Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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