The maid of honor just puked.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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