I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
