Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
