R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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