don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
