Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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