I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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