Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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