New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
