We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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